Kashgrab
Records
The Dirty Marmaduke Flute
Squad
In December 2004, Kris Kashgrab received a phone call from an old friend and
sometime business acquaintance: Satan. Satan had downloaded a torrent of
Shitfever!, the debut album from Kashgrab artist
The Dirty Marmaduke Flute
Squad, aka Nikc "Grandma's Dikc" Miller. Satan wanted Nikc to play at
his
daughter's bat mitzvah. Kris agreed, and also sent a Satan an advance copy
of Hugburn!, DMFS's sophomore release.
In need of a backing band for the gig, Kris and Nikc brought in Broadway
veteran Horsepower to thicken up the vocal sound and Kris's long-time butler
Chauncey on drums. They also recruited Mediocrity, a semi-retarded luchador
and occasional sparing partner for Manny Pacquiao, for interpretive dance,
tambourine, and audience maledictions.
The bat mitzvah gig was such a success that Satan invited DMFS back for
several more events. At one of these, Satan introduced the band to his
wife's gynecologist, Dr. Brian Adam Ant (Satan gave him the nickname "Adam"
because of his striking resemblance to hell's first human resident). Brian
had recently sold his soul to Satan for thunderous bass skills, and Satan
figured he'd be a perfect fit with DMFS.
In early 2006 DMFS entered 37.5: The
Studio to record their first album with
the new band, under the tutelage of another one of Satan's associates,
super-producer Mutt Martin. Martin is the love child of record producers
Robert "Mutt" Lange and Sir George Martin (actually conceived at one of
Satan's infamous late 70's bashes, when Lange anally violated Martin, while
Jim Steinman captured the event on Super-8). DMFS emerged from the studio a
year later with Die Humpin!, a sonic tour-de-force that has been
credited
for the record spikes in both pregnancies and abortions in Baltimore during
the winter and spring of 2007.
Realizing that a live tour to support Die Humpin! would require a
dedicated lead guitar player, Chauncey was promoted to the spot. He was also
rechristened and ordained as Father Ryan O'Graham (he was previously
Presbyterian but converted on Satan's advice, as only Catholics are allowed
entry to hell). Chauncey's place was assumed by long-time Nikc Miller
"acquaintance" ILL Spaghettio, a drummer of indeterminate Latin origin.
The Dirty Marmaduke Flute Squad is currently on tour.